Mjolnir Leviathan
by crazysane
Summary: Guess they didn't need the bone after all...
1. Mjolnir beats Leviathan

**So, I was kinda upset with the lack of Supernatural/Avengers fics, and then I realized that the movie just came out, and then I realized that there really wasn't any feasible way for them to interact because you know the Levi's got into SHEILD a long time ago, and the Avengers were the first thing they took down, but anyway, that's beside the point. Anyway, please, if this gives you an idea for a fic or something, please tell me in like a comment or a message, whatever. Because I want to read it. I already know that it's something I want to read. Anyway, if you soldiered through this note, then thanks. Hope you enjoy the story.**

* * *

Tony hangs up his phone and turns to look at Thor, unsure of whether to thank him or chastise him.

"So, what exactly _was _Dick Roman?" he asks the god of thunder.

"He was Leviathan. And so it was written that should the head fall, the body will wither."

"And he was the head?"

"Yes."

It's at this moment that three men, one short stocky and blonde, the other outrageously tall, and one in a trench coat appear literally out of nowhere.

The tall is holding a bone drenched in something that looks a little too much like blood for Tony's taste, while the blonde guys got a gun in one hand, a knife in the other, and a sawed off shotgun slung over his shoulder.

They all look tense and angry. Wait, take that back, Trenchcoat didn't look angry, he looked, well, out of it.

That anger is immediately deflated as they notice the black goo covering the walls and Tony's _favorite _suite.

"Lemme guess, you guys are here for…." Tony looks at a battle ready Thor expectantly.

"Leviathan."

"Yeah, that's right, Leviathan! Anyway, you're too late."

"You killed Dick Roman?" asks the tallest of the three.

"_I _didn't. Thor did. Sorry to burst your bubble Bulwinkle, but you, Rocky and 4/20 over there showed up a little too late to tango."

"But, you can't kill Leviathan without- the weapon!" Rocky halfway shouts, halfway sputters.

"HA!" Thor laughs, suddenly un-tense. "Mjolnir has faced many mightier a foe than Leviathan." He regards the men carefully for a moment. "You are warriors. I am sorry for taking this victory from you, had I known this battle was already being fought, I would have refrained. I apologize."

"It's fine, we probably all would've died anyways." Says 4/20. Then he disappears. Rocky facepalms, and Bulwinkle looks at a loss for words. Both of them jump when JARVIS suggests that a drink might be in order.

Two beers and one long conversation later, Tony now owns SucroCorp. The media went crazy after he immediately shut it down and ordered a recall of all shipments of the corn syrup upon purchase.

"Bruce and I should have a counter agent to whatever the hell Roman put in that stuff by the end of tomorrow, if not tonight. And don't worry about damage control either, SHEILD should have a way to explain the spontaneous liquidization of two fifths of the population. You guys are golden."

As it turns out, Rocky and Bulwinkle, sorry Dean and Sam, don't really know what to do with themselves now that the world isn't in danger. Upon hearing that they don't really have any other place to go, Tony invites them to stay at the mansion.

"Clint and Tasha need a new shooting buddy, and I can tell your brother's gonna explode if we don't give him the chance to talk to Thor for a few minutes." Tony says to Dean.

"And what is it that you wish to ask of me friend Winchester?" asks Thor, putting down his mug and throwing an arm over Sam's shoulder.

"So, you're like, _the Thor_?..." Dean loses track of the conversation as Thor allows himself to be led out of the room.

"You sure it's cool if we stick around?" Dean asks, getting up and walking over to a bookshelf filled with records. He stops when he sees Black Sabbath.

"It really depends on whether or not you're looking at that record in disgust or admiration."

The two men grin at each other.

"This might be fun."


	2. A Proposal of Sorts

**So, this one is less funny, and kinda more serious. That's because I think I just wanna write a bunch of one-shots with these guys. Just stuff happening. Missions together. Stupid bond-y things that we all know are kinda ooc but they're cute so no one really wants to say anything about it. Stuff like that. Anyway, tell me what you think of this, and if you want to see a specific thing happen, or if you've got an idea for something, I would love to hear it. Thanks.**

**-Abby**

* * *

The Winchesters, though fairly off the grid most of the time, were not so unfamiliar with pop-culture trends that they didn't know who the Avengers were.

That being said, they were very aware of the fact that for the time being, they were kind of living with celebrities.

In retrospect, not the hottest idea when you're a suspected serial killer.

So, neither Sam nor Dean is surprised when, home alone one day as the team's out on mission, JARVIS informs them that Nick Fury is waiting for them in the foyer.

"Sammy, who is this guy again?" Dean asks, shoving an extra magazine in his pocket and tucking a gun into the back of his jeans.

"Director Fury is the head of SHEILD," Sam answers, filling up small bottles of Borax and Holy water and grabbing his book of Latin incantations. "The organization that created the Avengers Initiative."

"And what does he want with us?"

"Well, we are suspected of numerous crimes ranging across varying degrees of severity Dean. What do you think he wants?"

"No need to get bitchy Sam. You packed?"

"Been packed."

"Back way outta here?"

"Follow me."

Dean swings the door open and finds himself face to face with the tense, tall, imposing, eye-patch wearing figure of Nick Fury.

"Why don't you stay a moment gentlemen? I've got a few things to discuss with you."

* * *

"So basically, you're offering us a job as consultants?" Sam asks, taking the situation with a grain of salt.

"Maybe a little more than that, if the occasion calls for it," Fury answers, leaning back.

The men are sitting in what Tony calls the lounge. Each is nursing a scotch and watching the other two with weary and worn eyes.

"You have to understand," Fury begins. "We're not stupid. We know that there really are things that go bump in the night, but we also know that for the most part, you and your hunters have got a handle on things.

"Recent events though, have brought attention to the fact that _you can't cover all the bases. _The blue collar boogeymen you all are used to dealing are moving up the food chain. Sawed off shotguns can't stop corporate mergers without making a whole lot a noise, and no one wants to good guys doing time for something that only looked bad."

Sam and Dean can't help but nod in agreement to this.

"I'm asking you to help me train my agents to fight what you fight. Show us how to evoke or exorcise or whatever the hell it is you do, so we can handle the big stuff. So that nothing like Roman gets in as deep as he did ever again."

Dean sighs, knocks back the rest of his scotch, and looks Fury in the eye. "If we do this, records wiped?"

"Clean as the day you got your social security number."

"And we get paid?"

"Flat rates got you both out at 10 grand a week, maybe more, depending on what you're asked to do, and whether or not you follow through."

The boys looks at each other, and the silent conversation that's taking place between the two of them is so loud that it's making Fury's ears ring. Finally, Sam lets out a deep breath and flips open the laptop that Tony 'let him borrow', powering it up.

He turns to Dean, "I'm gonna need Dad's journal," back to Fury, "and a hardwire connection to SHEILD's servers."

"What for?" asks Fury, even though he's already taking out his phone.

"First things first, you'll start with what we did: a database.


	3. Widows Hold Grudges

**So this is something that I was just thinking about, because I feel like Natasha might be kinda in the know about some of the stuff that the boys deal with. Not like a hunter, just not blind. Anyway, this one is kinda iffy, not my favorite, and not very funny. So, sorry if you guys don't like it…. Anyway, umm, same as last time, tell me if you've got any ideas, or if you just wanna see some specific characters reacting. Thanks for reading.**

**-Abby**

* * *

Clint and Natasha know that the Winchesters are staying at the mansion.

They do not really care.

They had both chosen to promptly ignore the files that Fury had sent to them regarding the rather infamous brothers.

Right now, slinking back into the mansion and wishing that the international dateline did not exist because it was in fact easier to sleep when it was dark, Clint is certain that the only thing either of them wants to do is change out of these damn torn, blood/champagne/who-knows-what-else stained dress clothes and collapse into the feather down duvets that Tony's insisted be on every bed in the house.

Sometimes he can't stand it, but Clint would be damned if he said he didn't enjoy the occasional extravagance.

Which is why he's mildly surprised when he hears Natasha's sharp intake of breath followed by the all too familiar sounds of a body thumping against the wall, the _click _of a loaded gun, and the slight buzz of her glove powering up.

He looks up to her pinning a moose of a man to the wall. Something in his brain registers that this is the profile of Sam Winchester, who they were previously informed was staying here. Clint's just about to say something about that when he hears Natasha.

"_Baba Jaga_," she hisses through clenched teeth.

Sounds Russian.

Must be personal then.

Despite this, Clint isn't just going to walk away, the last bit of the skimmed file mentioned something about the Winchesters being consultants and he's almost certain that Fury would like his new toys intact.

Then Dean walks in and pulls a gun on Natasha.

The arrow is notched and aimed before Clint even realizes he's moving.

"Who the hell are you supposed to be? Katniss fucking Everdeen? This is a gunfight Cupid, take your bow and arrows back to the Boy Scouts," Deans says, eyes never leaving his brother, who looks oddly pained.

Clint doesn't say anything, just shifts his aim. The arrow hits the sealing and a second later, Dean's dancing to avoid the chunks of plaster now falling down around him.

"Do you think they make a merit badge for that?" he asks as Dean sets his shot again.

"What the hell Clint? That's the eighth hole this month and- Ohhh, whoa, what have we got here?" asks Tony, whose head is currently peeking out of the hole Clint's just made.

"You used a child," Natasha hisses again, either unaware or in disregard of what's going on around her.

"Look I- ahhhh," Sam winces in pain. His head is throbbing and his vision is swimming. "I- I don't know what you're talking about."

"I saw you take him. I saw you rip him from his bed and drag him kicking and screaming and sobbing into the middle of nowhere. You would have let him die."

"Soul-less Sam," Dean says the words like a curse, just before his brother passes out.

* * *

"_She eats kids. He's a kid. He's not dead. She is. What more do you want from me?"_

"_He's terrified and cold and sobbing and you're curious about why I'm angry with you? What the hell is wrong with you?"_

"_Nothing. Absolutely nothing at all. Now I think you should take him back to the orphanage, before someone misses him."_

"_I'll kill you. I don't care. You're a monster, worse than her. I'll kill you the next time I see you."_

"_Good luck with that."_

* * *

It takes the boys a very tense hour to explain the fact that, for a while there, Sam did not possess a soul, and therefore could not be held accountable for any actions that had taken place during that time frame.

It takes even longer to explain how he got it back.

They don't even bother to go into how he lost it.

"I really am sorry. For what happened with Baba Yaga. I had no idea-"

"It's fine. Really, you've more than adequately proven yourself," Natasha looks around at everyone else and yawns. "I'm going to bed."

"I'm following you," says Clint. Dean catches his arm just before he leaves the room though.

"Hey, man, uh, sorry about the Cupid crack. I tend to get kinda lippy when people are pointing lethal weapons at me," Clint nods and accepts the apology for what it is. Dean looks like he wants to say something else though, so he waits a second. "Um, do you think maybe, when you don't smell like blood and tar and you aren't dead on your feet, you could show me what else it can do?"

"Only if you tell who the hell Baba Yaga is," Clint responds with a wide grin. They shake on it.

Sam looks at his brother and sighs before walking out of the room.

Dean leans back and closes his eyes for a second, until he feels a hand on his shoulder.

"Well, that looked like fun," Tony says, offering a wry grin.

"You saw that?"

"Just call me Big Brother."

Dean laughs, and Tony's grin gets even wider.

"JARVIS?" Tony calls to the AI.

"Yes Master Stark?"

"Pop some popcorn and pull out the widescreen in the lounge. Dean and I have a date with the Doctor Sexy M.D. marathon."


	4. Pepper Becomes House Mom

**Hey, sorry it's kinda been a bit. But this one is like super duper long and I hope I'm not spoiling you guys cause I doubt you're going to get another one like this, but hey i think it turned out pretty awesome, except for the end, it feels choppy. Anyway, tell me what you think, please and thank you. I hope you guys enjoy this. Please review.**

**-Abby**

* * *

Bruce Banner is worried about Sam Winchester.

Tony had made sure that the boys and Bruce had been introduced almost immediately after they had been convinced to stay in the Tower.

In fact, Bruce could recall the moment rather well.

* * *

"_Hi, Dean Winchester, nice to meet you. If you ever 'Hulk out' on me or my brother, I'll do my best to blow your fricken' brains out. No hard feelings?"_

"_No hard feelings. Nice to meet someone who doesn't flinch when I sneeze." _

"_Dude, compared to the last thing I killed, you really aren't even a little bit scary."_

"_Good to know."_

_Bruce smiled._

_Awkward silence reigned._

_An elbow to a ribcage._

_A harshly whispered, 'Sam'._

"_Uhh, what? Oh, yeah, umm, hi. I'm Sam." _

_Fidgety hands._

_Downcast eyes._

_Rapid chest movement._

_Bruce sighed. Damnit._

Ever since then, Sam had been avoiding the doctor. Rather obviously.

* * *

"What's cookin' good lookin'?" Dean asks Natasha as he strolls into the communal kitchen. This earns him a death glare that would have most men hightailing it.

Dean prides himself on not being most men.

"You know, my daddy told me that when a girl ignores you, it really means she likes you," Dean says, scooting along the counter until he's way to close to her. They both turn when they hear Clint's barking laugh from the hallway, and then again when Steve walks in from the side door, balancing several bowls, plates, and cups in his arms.

"Umm, I hope I'm not interrupting anything…" Steve mumbles, going a bit red in the cheeks. He's not an idiot, and he's also a boy. Which means he more than recognizes the look in Dean's eyes right now.

"No Steve,"

"Yes, Steve," Natasha and Dean say at the same time.

Natasha glares. Dean leers. And Steve starts to get a little angry.

* * *

"You think he's afraid of you?"

"No Tony, I know he's afraid of me," Bruce sighs and rubs a hand over his face. "The kid has literally said eight words to me since you made him introduce himself."

"I might just have to do something about that."

"No, Tony, don't worry about it. His brother's fine, I'm sure Sam'll come around at some point. There really isn't any reason to push the issue. Besides, it isn't like he fear is irrational."

Tony sighs. Then he looks at Bruce. Then he resolves himself to do something about Sam.

* * *

"Your brothers about to get himself killed," Clint says walking into the library and glancing at Sam.

"Wouldn't be the first time. Not gonna worry about it," Sam says, not even bothering to look up from his book.

Clint shrugs and walks out, brushing past Tony on his way.

"SAM! Sameo! Sam the Man!"

Sam does look up this time. "Yeah Tony?"

"Follow me to the lab Bulwinkle, I've got a new toy to show you."

"Since when am I allowed to look at your toys?" asks Sam as he stands and stretches.

"Since I wanted to show them to you, now are you coming or not?" Sam holds his hands up in the placating fashion and follows the billionaire out of the room.

* * *

"You know babe! I hate to see you leave but I love to watch you go!" Dean shouts after Natasha, grinning from ear to ear because hey, he's just gotten away with alotta shit, and he wasn't dead. Had to count for something, right?

"You shouldn't talk to her like that," Steve says quietly.

"Would you tap that man? I'd tap that in a heartbeat. Seriously dude, all those curves-"

Dean's interrupted when Steve's hand slams the table in front of him so hard the marble cracks.

"And you most certainly shouldn't talk about her like that."

"Ha, last time I checked being in the presence of a prude doesn't mean I can't appreciate the finer things in life."

"Last time I checked Natasha was a lady, and you would do well to remember that ladies are not supposed to be treated like objects as ogled at by pigs like you."

It may be worth noting that ever since Dean had moved in, he and the Captain had been having some… issues.

Steve does not like Dean's excessive drinking, his shouting, his messy eating habits, his loud music, his propensity to pick fun at everyone, and he especially does not like how Dean treats women. All in all, he reminds Steve of the bullies that used to beat him up in alleyways and parking lots. And Steve really doesn't like bullies.

Dean does not like Steve's holier than thou attitude. So what if the guy can't get drunk? Why does Dean have to put his good time in check? He does not like that Steve's a OCD neat freak who wakes up at early o'clock every fuckin' morning. He really doesn't like the way the Steve looks down on him, just like those damn angel's always did. And Dean doesn't really care for angels.

* * *

Bruce hears the doors slide open and looks up. He's met with a very confused looking Sam and a rapidly retreating Tony whose currently shouting at JARVIS to lock the doors as soon as he's clear.

Sometimes, killing Tony sounded like a really good idea.

"Hi Sam."

"Uhh, hello Dr. Banner."

"Bruce is fine. Please, sit."

Sam does so, albeit, a tad reluctantly. Bruce sighs and out of the corner of his eye, sees Tony jumping up and down and giving him thumbs up through the glass.

Bruce flips him off in response.

Bruce leans back and looks at Sam. Tall, muscled, strong jaw, old, old eyes. Not for the first time, he wonders why Sam is scared of him. His brother isn't, and from the information in the file and fleeting first hand accounts, Banner knows that Sam has been through the same kind of things.

So why was he so nervous?

"Um, can I help you with something, Doctor?" Sam asks.

"No, it's fine, I'm sure Tony will let us out of here eventually."

"Good."

"Yeah."

More awkward silence.

More fidgety hands.

More downcast eyes.

More rapid chest movement.

Bruce sighs.

"Look Sam-"

"Dr. Banner I-"

They look at each other in surprise.

"Um, go right ahead, whatever I was gonna say can wait," Sam rushes out.

"Alright, thanks. Now look Sam, I'm sorry if this is making you uncomfortable. I really didn't mean for you to be in this situation. I assure you though, that I at this point I am most assuredly in control of my emotions and the chances of you meeting the other guy today are negligible. So there's really no reason for you to be scared."

"Scared?"

"Yeah, no reason for it."

"You, you were under the impression that I was scared of you?"

"Um, kind of."

"No. No really, no. I am so sorry. I- I didn't mean- Don't get me wrong, Hulk, is fairly scary, and he could probably kill me with little to no effort but I stopped be scared of mindless destruction and rage after I met Lucifer. No, I am not scared of you Dr. Ban- I mean Bruce."

"Then why have you been avoiding me?"

"Umm, see, I had this buddy at Stanford who was a biochemistry major and they did this big end of the year project, I can't remember exactly what it was- but his had something to do with you. And one day I was bored and he was studying and I read some of your papers. You're brilliant, you made the things you were talking about understandable and you weren't afraid of being ridiculed for some of your more off the wall ideas. I guess, when I finally met you in person, I was just a little starstruck."

Bruce just stares at Sam for a second.

And then he laughs.

Hard, and for a really long time because that is probably the most ridiculously wonderful thing he'd ever heard.

Sam's still fidgeting.

"Come here Sam," Bruce says when he catches his breath. "Let me show you what I'm working on. I think you'll like it."

* * *

"You want me to stop talking about her? Make me."

"We both know I'd lay you out in less than a second."

"Are you an angel? Do you possess the latent ability to move shit when you're pissed? Do you eat people on a regular basis? No? Didn't think so. Now role up your sleeves Captain Underpants and show me why you're a superhero."

Steve sucks in a tight breath because he won't, WILL NOT, be goaded into a fight by some bully two inches shorter than him whose invading his personal space and smells like gun powder and whis-

Steve's inner monologue is cut short when Dean's fist flies into his jaw.

The force of it pushes Steve back a few inches and Dean's cracking his knuckles and trying not to wince.

"Fine, you wanna throw down, don't think I'll hold back just 'cause you're you."

Dean smiles crookedly. "Wouldn't dream of it."

Steve takes a step forward and throws a punch and Dean knows he's going to have to take him out fast otherwise there's no way he's going to take him out all. He dodges and comes back up underneath Cap's arm and Dean turns the Captain's body towards the kitchen island and slams his elbow in the Steve's back when his body folds over the countertop. Steve growls and in one fluid motion, jumps up, slides on top of the island, locks his legs around Dean's torso and puts the hunter in a standard choke hold.

Despite saying he wasn't going to hold back, Steve can't help but lay off a little when he hears Dean gasp in such obvious pain.

He probably should have held on tighter.

Because as soon as Steve lets up Dean rocks back and then throws himself forward, sending them both tumbling to the floor. Dean turns around under Steve and somehow manages to drive a knee underneath his ribcage. Steve gasps and Dean rolls out from underneath him. The hunter's halfway up when Steve yanks back on his ankle and Dean's chin collides with the top of the island and he's seeing stars. His front hits the ground hard but Dean twists and kicks Steve back with both feet and the Captain's head bangs against the wall.

Clint walks into the kitchen to get some chips and a Snapple.

He walks carefully over and around Dean and Steve, who are still beating the shit out of one another.

Then he leaves.

* * *

"JARVIS, give me a visual."

"Right away sir." The screen in front of Tony flickers to life he paces back and forth in front of it.

He sees Bruce and Sam on the screen.

They are laughing.

The computer is on.

Sam looks impressed.

"That fanboy stealing bastard," Tony says, his voice hollow and disbelieving. "JARVIS, unlock the doors."

"Already done sir."

Neither of them leave.

"Well," says Tony, attempting, and subsequently failing to crack his knuckles. "Two can play at that game."

* * *

Pepper stands arms crossed, tapping her foot impatiently, bits of plaster sticking to her black pumps.

The five stools that usually go around the kitchen island are now sitting in front of her, a man on each stool.

Dean and Steve sit on the far two stools both bruised, bloodied and clutching icepacks. Dean looks a bit more worse for wear than Steve, but he insists he's had worse and he'll call Cas about it later.

Sam is sitting next to his brother, but is ignoring him in an effort to eavesdrop on the hushed and hurried conversation that Bruce and Tony are having. Something about potential radiation poisoning….

"What happened?" demands Pepper. All five men turn to her immediately. Steve fights the urge to stand at attention.

"Captain Prissy Pants over there started actin' like a little-"

"Stop. I can guess. Therefore, I wasn't asking you," her eyes narrow in on Tony.

"I think I'll let Bruce handle this one," Tony says, eyes wide as he turns to his friend.

Bruce glares at Tony before offering Pepper his most gracious and pleading smile.

"I was showing Sam some of my latest calculations, as he seemed to be taking an interest. Tony came in and for whatever reason decided that now would be a really good time to test that experimental battery he's been working on. He put it into a toy car. I tried to tell him that that wasn't a good thing to start with, that the output was gonna be way to funky, but he didn't listen. And then, well…" all six pairs of eyes in the room drift up to the new hole in ceiling of the kitchen, very close to the one that Clint had very recently applied.

Pepper nods and sighs. "So the three of you fell through the ceiling after Tony blew it up, onto Dean and Steve who were apparently fighting over the Dean's chauvinistic tendencies, among other things." Five slow and embarrassed nods tell her she is right.

"Alright Tony I'm calling the workers who repaired the Tower after the Chiltauri and giving them full access to your private elevator and you aren't going to say anything about it and neither you or Bruce are allowed in the labs until they're finished. Dean, Steve, you're cleaning up the kitchen, plaster, broken glass, splintered wood, smooshed fruit and all. Together. Without fighting. Or there will be hell to pay," she makes eye contact with each man, turns on her heel, and walks out.

Dean shakes his head, stands up and walks over to Steve.

He holds out his hand, "You know, for a priss you sure can throw a punch."

Steve takes it and grins, showing bloody teeth, "Been a while since I've gone toe to toe with anyone vanilla, we should make this a regular thing."

"Couldn't agree more."

"Yeah, if you too are done having your moment, JARVIS has Pepper already restricted access to the labs?"

Nothing.

"JARVIS?"

Nothing.

"Maybe he's broken…" Sam throws out.

"JARVIS doesn't break he's-"

"Master Banner, would you please inform Master Stark that Pepper has forbidden me to speak with him until he's allowed to use the labs again."

Bruce grins and looks over to Sam, whose also kind of smiling. Sam looks at Dean, whose looking at Steve, and suddenly everyone is laughing.

"That doesn't sound like cleaning!" Pepper calls in a singsong voice from the hall.

It effectively shuts them up for the rest of the evening.


	5. An Unwanted Calling

**Couple of I should mention before we start, Coulson is alive, I love Loki, Cas is normal again and…uhh, yeah. Actually, that's it. I hope you guys like this, it's kinda longish again. I'm spoiling you, I swear. It came out a ton more angsty then I meant for it too. Is it too much? I feel like I might be setting myself up for some serious brother-feels later on… Umm, review please. And yeah, that's pretty much it.**

**-Abby**

"And what about gods?" asks a man who Dean has mentally labeled 'pretentious-wannabe-spy-#2'.

"What do you mean?" Dean asks back, crossing his arms and turning away from the tablet/screen at the front of the room covered in symbols and latin incantations.

Upon Fury's request, the boys had begun teaching sort of classes on the Hellicarrier.

Sam's database had been beyond useful to the more senior agents. They understood that just because things seemed easy on paper didn't mean that they would be as simple in 3D. If a senior agent had a question about what they were dealing with, or felt that they were out of their depth (most SHEILD agents are proud, but not so proud that they didn't recognize the need for back-up), then Fury would patch them through to Sam or Dean, and whichever brother happened to be available would gladly provide the needed information along with warning of caution and reminders that level-heads are more useful than loaded guns in most cases.

Though neither one really mentioned it, they both quietly thought of Bobby when they handed out the advice.

This system did not work with the new recruits.

They were brash and stupid. More often than not, they would not read anything about what they were going after, they would not call for assistance when they inevitably fucked up, and then they would get themselves killed or turned.

Dean could tell that 'pretentious-spy-wannabe-#2' was an agent all too likely to do the aforementioned things, and he was reminded why these lessons were so important.

"Loki came and fucked up Manhattan like it was literally nothing. There are pages and lines redacted from the journal your brother uploaded to the mainframe. Certain summoning spells, descriptions of weapons. Isn't killing gods something we need to know how to do? You guys have done it right? It's not impossible." He looked Dean right in the eyes, and Dean wishes more than anything that Sam isn't with Clint and Agent Coulson in armory, helping to upgrade it to Hunter standards.

Dean sighs. "That's not something you need to be worrying about. In fact, that's not something anyone at SHEILD needs to be worried about. For one thing, Thor is on our side, and for another, real hunters, more than likely Sammy and me, will take care of the big baddies. Got it? Besides, what makes you think you could handle something like that?"

Pretentious-spy-wannabe-#2 obviously wants to say something else, but a sharp look from Natasha (when the fuck had she come in?) shut him up.

* * *

Everything burns.

It does not ache.

It is not sore.

I do not bleed.

I burn.

* * *

"_You pretend to hate this place. To hate these people who dare to call you family. I wonder though, would you like to introduce me? I'm sure I can arrange something."_

"_What do you desire? The Tesseract? It is locked away, I cannot retrieve it, and my f- Odin sees all. You would not get far."_

"_The Tesseract can wait. What I want, my dear mischief maker, is your soul broken, and your blood on my hands. So what will it be? The kingdom that you tell yourself you do not love? Or will you come now? Either way, you will be mine. I am simply asking whether you would like to provide my warriors with another glorious battle, or will you spare your fami- them from any more trouble at your hands."_

_When the portal opened, Loki stepped through it. Not looking back once._

* * *

"Adveho deus of lies , EGO to order vestri presentia procul meus misericordia , pareo quod ego vadum tribuo vestri licentia , reluctor quod may vestri nex adveho sensim!" Pretentious-spy-wannabe-#2 shouts, his voice breaking towards the end as he feels the power of the words.

The wind picks up in his little one-bedroom apartment, papers fly, blood from the slaughtered lamb splatters his face and the walls and he tries hard not to gag.

Payoff comes in the form of a haggard, bare-chested man, ruined scraps of leather wrapped around his legs. His body is burnt and scraped and a black collar circling his neck sparks green. The man curls in on himself tighter, greasy black hair clinging to the back of his neck, shivers rocking the pale body as he crouches in the middle of the stylized pentagon on that the agent has drawn on the floor.

Pretentious-spy-wannabe-#2 doesn't notice any of this though. Because he just proved the Winchesters wrong. He could summon a god.

He was about to prove he could kill one too.

* * *

Thor's head snaps up. His hands tighten around the coffee mug he is holding and Natasha is the only one of the Avengers who doesn't jump when the sound of porcelain breaking shatters the easy quiet of the wide and open living room.

"Thor? What's wrong?" Bruce asks, taking off his glasses.

"My brother is once again on Midgard."

"What?" Clint hisses, rising automatically to his feet and stalking towards the god.

"He was summoned and bound by a mortal. He is not here of his own volition." The words came out as a growl and hold a viciousness that most listening are surprised to hear.

"You can be summoned? How?" Tony asks.

"The Brothers Winchester would be able to answer that better than I." Thor stands.

"Thor, where are you going? What's going on?" Natasha asks, sliding up behind Clint.

Thor stops, and sighs. He turns to face the rest of the team.

"The first time I was summoned, I was with my mother and Loki. We were walking through the palace gardens and I felt a curious sort of tugging. I ignored it, and it began to burn.

"The man who summoned me was young. Too young for one so bitter. They way in which he had commanded my presence dictated that I must perform one task of his choosing. Using all tools at my disposal and in as timely a fashion as possible." Thor turns away from them then.

"He asked me to kill his betrothed. He found her to be unfaithful, and he was so distraught, and upset, and broken that he saw no other alternative.

"I tried to make him see reason. I tried as hard as I could stray him from his course. But he would not listen." Thor looks up at Clint.

"You know Hawk, how terrible it is to not be in control of your own limbs. How your soul aches and your mind screams."

"Did you….Thor, did you…." Despite his broken words, Steve takes steady, strong steps towards his friend and puts a hand on his shoulder.

"No. Loki came and broke the binding." He glances around at the group around him. "I know none of you think highly of my brother. But he is my kin, and I will do for him what he did for me."

He starts to walk away, when a small chuckle from Clint stops him.

"Bastard got what's coming to him. But I'm a big fan of freewill, I can't promise that I won't punch his face in when I see him. But you've got my bow, if you need it."

Thor smiles, but shakes his head. "Thank you Hawk, that means more to me than you will ever know. I think though, that the Brothers Winchester will be more valuable to me now."

Tony nods, "JARVIS, call the boys up from the basement. They've got a job."

* * *

"You sure you can do this Sam?" Dean asks. They're standing outside an apartment building in the rain, looking up the fire escape. Dean's got a hand on Thor's shoulder, and the god is practically growling in angry anticipation.

"Yeah, breaking spells is a lot easier than putting one together. I'm sure I can do this." He just isn't sure how much he wants to.

"I am forever if your debt for this. Know that." Thor says.

"We don't have a tab to write your name on Thor." Dean looks at his watch and grins. "Well look at that, it's officially Thursday. Consider this a name-day present, and we'll call it square." He pauses and makes eye contact with the god of thunder. "I can't ask you pay me back for helping you save your brother. Family is family, always."

* * *

Dean's got one hand holding pretentious-spy-wannabe-#2's face to the wall and the other on Thor's chest praying to everything he knows that the god won't just push past him like they both know he can.

"IT IS NOT WORTH IT. THOR ODINSON IT- HE IS NOT WORTH IT."

"HE BEAT A BROKEN MAN! HE BEAT MY BROTHER LIKE A DOG WHEN HE HAD ALREADY BEEN PUT WITHIN AN INCH OF LIFE! DO NOT TELL ME HE IS NOT WORTHY MY HAMMER! DO NOT!"

"Dean, I don't know a lot about Asgardian physiology but, he doesn't look good." Sam is kneeling in front of Loki in the blackened pentagon meant to hold him. Loki's breathing is shallow, his body is blue and ice cold, his eyes are red and rolled into the back of his head. Dark bruised patches mottle his skin and ragged bloody cuts mar the surface of his chest.

Sam can tell there are wounds older than this. But he's too shocked and horrified and more than anything else _reminded_ to bother looking.

Thor stops pushing at Dean for a moment and Dean takes the opportunity to slam pretentious-spy-wannabe-#2's head into the wall, knocking him unconscious.

"Brother…" Thor's voice is a hoarse whisper as he kneels beside Sam. "I am here now."

"Cas, we could really use some-"

"I noticed Dean." The angel is standing behind him and looking over his shoulder at Thor, Sam, and Loki. "The collar around his neck will cause problems during the healing. It needs to be removed. I suggest Tony Stark." Before anyone can say anything, the group is gone, leaving the unconscious agent where he is, slumped on the ground.

* * *

"Thank you man of- Tony." Thor says, eyes never leaving his brother. The collar is gone, everyone is standing around Loki's bed in one of the Tower's guest rooms, watching the sleeping god with weary eyes as green sparks dance around his pale and all too thin chest.

"What the hell happened to you?" Clint wonders aloud, leaning back against the wall.

"You know what happened," Natasha answers through gritted teeth. Too much, she thinks, too much even for him.

"Cas said that the injuries weren't a problem, but he could only do so much for such a broken body, you can't heal malnutrition or a fractured mind," Dean says, hazarding a glance at his brother, who is watching Loki with those damn puppy-dog eyes of his.

Thor stands. He faces the team and begins to speak in the humblest and most political tones they've ever heard him utter.

"My friends, I do not know what happened to my brother. I do not know why he was so badly broken when we found him, but I do know that this is not something that would happen in Asgard. Sinister workings brew here, and I wish more than anything to keep my brother safe and contained, for I know just as you what terrible plans might lay behind his brow.

"So I beg of you now, may my brother stay here? Just for a time, until I know what befell him, and then he will be brought immediately back to Asgard." Thor is standing proud and tall but Natasha can see the sweat on his forehead and his fingers twitching on the handle of his hammer.

The team and the Winchesters all look at one another, and Loki regains consciousness just in time to hear Tony say, "Yeah, he can stay."


	6. Housing Arrangements

**So, this is also kind of angsty, kind of explain-y, just trying to set stuff up for stuff that's gonna happen later. Again, Coulson is alive, sorry if some people don't subscribe to the fix-it train of thought, Castiel isn't all wonky anymore, I don't know how that happened, I just don't like him like that so I changed it...*stomps foot and turns on a heel*. Anyway, the next one will be funnier, I promise, really, I really promise. I would also really like some reviews please. Just tell me how I'm doing, is my writing bad? Are the characters OOC? Do things flow? Is the story line believable? Sorry if I'm being needy, I just wanna know. And who better to tell me than my readers? Thanks for taking a look guys, I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**-Abby**

* * *

Loki Laufeyson leans against the desk.

Agent Phil Coulson leans against the doorframe.

Both are trying to look nonchalant and morally ambiguous.

Both are also remembering.

* * *

_Loki remembers waking up. _

_He remembers Thor's sigh of relief, he remembers Tony saying that he could stay with them. He remembers Clint pointedly looking everywhere but at him, and he remembers the Widow's hand finding the archer's, though her eyes never left Loki. He remembers Bruce fiddling with a pen, smiling to himself every so often, and he remembers the Captain looking in his direction, though his mind is clearly elsewhere._

_He feels that his magic has returned at the same time that he notices the Winchesters._

_In approximately eight seconds Dean is being pressed against the wall, Loki's forearm barring his throat and a knife that Loki had managed to wrestle from the sheath around his waist is pressing tightly and neatly beneath his ribs._

_Two people are now pointing guns at Loki._

_One is aiming a bow._

"_Brother, Dean helped save you. Release him, and listen to me. Please." There is a curious aching in Thor's tone that Loki is trying hard to ignore. Loki also tries to ignore the look that Dean gives Thor, and then Sam, causing the latter to lower his weapon, albeit slowly and hesitantly._

_He does not need their pity._

"_The Winchesters helped save me? Even I would not attempt to spin a tale so bold. The Winchesters do not help gods, they kill them. They have tried to kill me on several occasions. I suppose that they were under the impression that they had succeeded."_

"_We didn't kill Gabriel," Sam says slowly, taking a step towards Loki and his brother. "Lucifer did. We tried to stop him, really we did, and Loki, we owe Gabriel everything. The world wouldn't be here today if it weren't for him. I swear."_

"_The fate of the angel means nothing to me." Which is a lie, but at this point Loki is realizing the foolishness of attacking. He does not know how to proceed, killing Dean would do nothing but anger his brother, and the last thing Loki needs is a Winchester out for his blood. _

_Given that he has his magic back, he could escape the house. He would be on the run for an indefinite amount of time, but it's not like running is anything particularly new to him._

_But surely though, the Chiltauri are still looking for him…._

_An involuntary shudder runs through him and Loki's decision is made for him as Dean is abruptly replaced by a shorter, trench coat clad man who Loki recognizes to be an angel._

"_I did not bring you here, I did not heal your wounds, I did not restore your magic, so that you could harm my friends," Castiel says, his voice is hard and low and scrapes like gravel, and his eyes are old. Loki is for a second, just a single, bare second, afraid that they can see right through him. He takes a step back, but the angel takes a step forward._

"_It is clear that you are not ready to yet leave this house. You have forgotten yourself Loki _Odinson_, but you will remember." The angel raises a hand and presses a palm to Loki's forehead. _

_Suddenly, painfully, his magic is gone._

_That is the last thing that Loki remembers before waking up alone in this room, before a disembodied voice informs him that he has a visitor._

* * *

_Coulson remembers waking up._

_He remembers Fury standing, arms crossed, at the foot of his bed staring at him and smiling, and Maria Hill, sitting in a chair next to him, one hand over his, her head tucked into her shoulder and a book in her lap. She hasn't woken up yet._

"_They think I'm dead, don't they?" Fury's smile falls away, and Coulson's sad for a minute that he's the reason it didn't last._

"_It was the only way. I don't know how you managed it Coulson, but whatever you did to those people….. it saved the world."_

_Coulson sighs._

"_You have to bring them in. Tasha and Clint first. Then the rest. Now."_

_The reunion is sad. It's happy. It's angst-filled and confession filled and promise-filled. Now Natasha is trying to decide who to glare at, Clint is grinning like a madman, Tony is babbling something about electrified cuff-links and a trip to Portland, Dr. Banner is sitting quietly in the corner, looking at everyone but not saying anything, Thor is proclaiming the need for a feast and reminding everyone that he_ knew _Coulson hadn't been dead, otherwise Thor would've seen him in Valhalla as he had died a proper warrior's death,__ and Steve is handing Coulson his mint condition Captain America trading cards, signed and blood-stain-_

_Wait._

_What. _

_The._

_Fuck._

"_Director?"_

"_Yes Phil?"_

"_Why are my vintage, mint, one of a kind Captain America trading cards covered in blood?"_

* * *

"Ahhh, Agent Coulson right? It's been awhile, hasn't it?" Loki grins and straightens, taking a small step towards the agent. "I must say, I am surprised, I honestly felt as though our last encounter held an air of _finality _to it."

"I'm pleased to say that I'm not that easy to get rid of," Coulson smiles back and walks to the center of the room.

Loki's grin widens. "No, no you're not. But that's beside the point. I believe that there was a matter you wished to address?"

"Yes. Regarding your accommodations during your stay here on Earth. You've got a few options open to you at this point."

"Well, please go on, I'm dying to hear them."

"Well, you could stay in the Hellicarrier. We've rebuilt and modified the cell you stayed in during your last visit. How's that sound?"

"Tempting, truly, truly tempting, but I'd be remiss if I did not take the time to hear my other options."

"SHEILD's think tank is pushing for keeping you constantly partially sedated in an underground facility in the Artic."

Loki's lips curl into a sneer of disgust, but Coulson doesn't miss the flash of fear in his eyes.

"I must say that this is my least favorite option yet. Are these what I must choose from or is there another?"

"One more," Coulson smiles. "You could stay here."

Loki laughs sharply. "Here? As in with the Avengers? You do realize they hate me right? That the only reason I'm here right now is because of Thor's endlessly annoying persistence? Not to mention that the Winchesters have apparently taken up residence here. I'm sure they'll find an excuse to kill me sooner or later. Are you actually suggesting something so unbelievably insane?"

"Yes. I am."

"And you," Loki goes on as though Coulson's said nothing. "You certainly cannot be happy with this suggested arrangement. You've allowed yourself to get far too attached to your organization's pet project. You'd hate it if I was so close to them. You hate me."

Coulson smiles. It's as reassuring as it is nerve wracking.

"I don't hate you Loki. I certainly feel some level of aggression and dislike towards you, because you did literally stab me in the back, but I don't hate you." He takes a step closer to the god. "I was right when I said you would lose. I'll be honest, that thing about lacking conviction, that was mostly to distract you so I could shoot you, but you really did set yourself up.

"Killing me made it personal, you knew it would. You knew it would change the dynamics of the entire situation." Coulson walks past Loki and begins fiddling with things on the desk. "Thor told us that on Asgard, you often consulted on matters of state, of relationships between kingdoms within Asgard, and well as relations with the other realms. You know how to manipulate people Loki, you're the _liesmith_. So what I'm trying to figure out here, is why you would 'kill me'. Because I think, no, I _know _you knew what would happen. Sure, there were a lot of possible ways for that situation to play itself out, but you knew the most likely outcome." Now Coulson turns back to face Loki, adopting the god's earlier position. "I'll let you chew on that, but I'd like your answer now, about where you're staying."

Loki looks coolly at the agent, still saying nothing.

"I'd also like to remind you that it is entirely possible that the Chiltauri are still looking for you. It might be in your best interest to stay in a place where all other occupants are trained in lethal combat, and where at least one resident is hopelessly devoted to seeing to your well being. Just a reminder." Coulson smiles again, but it falters when he see's Loki's eyes flash once more. The god isn't sharing any of what the Chiltauri did to him, but Tony had shown Phil the pictures of what he had looked like when Thor and the Winchester's brought him in. It was easy to pick the new from the old. Regardless of what Loki had done to him, Phil Coulson was never one to hold a grudge, and in most cases, it brought him no pleasure to cause someone any kind of pain.

"Fine, I will stay here for the time being," Loki nods curtly, and steps to the side, a clear indication of the fact that he is waiting for the agent to leave.

* * *

In the living room, the team and the Winchesters watch the entire altercation with mixed feelings.

_Can he fly like Thor? I dare that bastard to come mess with me on the damn roof…._

_If he tries anything…._

_Oooh, boy, this one's gonna be a doosey…._

_Perhaps, now my brother can learn…_

_Deep breaths, deep breaths…._

_Gonna have to pimp out his room. Gold and green. Pep can go shopping, gonna have to find a way to keep him in the house, gotta talk to JARVIS about that. Gotta order some more Scotch, yeah, definitely gonna need some more Scotch…._

_Shit. Where the hell does Tony keep the Scotch? _

_How do you kill a trickster again? They like candy right? Is Loki really a trickster? Is it weird that I sympathize? Dammit….._


	7. The Old Switcheroo

**Hey guys, sorry this one took so long to get out. Though, and I'm probably saying this kind of prematurely, but I think the fact that it's sort of hilarious makes up for it (this is foreshadowing because there is a really good chance that the next one will be filled with brother-related angst). Anyway, again, may I pretty, pretty, pretty please with sugar on top get some more reviews? You have no idea how happy it makes me when that message pops up on my yahoo. Please guys? Anyway, thanks for reading. I hope you enjoy the story.**

* * *

Natasha smiles idly as she watches the boys get wasted.

Not all of the boys of course. Steve, Sam, and Bruce have all retreated to a lower floor, something about introducing Steve to _Lord of the Rings. _

This leaves Dean, Clint, Tony, and Thor at the kitchen counter to slowly and happily destroy their livers.

She shakes her head and walks the rest of the way into the kitchen. She's been partners with Clint long enough to recognize his individual stages of drunk-ness, and whatever Thor's brought from home has moved up the time table alarmingly.

Normally she wouldn't be worried. For the longest time the only people Clint had trusted himself to get shit-faced around were her and Coulson, and rarely at that. Apparently neither of them were very good drinking buddies.

"Sorry," Coulson would say with a small smile. "But my sense of responsibility counteracts the effects of alcohol."

And it's hardly Natasha's fault that Russians were born knowing how to hold their liquor.

But they'd been working with the others for a couple of months now, and fighting and living alongside a group of people as idiosyncratic and enigmatic as the Avengers is bound to spawn trust at some point.

"Besides," he'd said before they'd started. "You're here. You've got my back."

Not a question. A fact.

It made her smile, not that she'd let anyone see.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand.

Clint, having had waay to much to drink up this point, was about two shots away from spilling SHEILD secrets.

"Ha-have I told yooouuu guuyssss aboouut Budapest? I-I think tha- that now is a realllllly gooood time to tellll you abo - about Budapest."

Make that no shots. Time for extraction.

"Come on Clint, I think it's about time for you to cut out," She grabs his arm and starts the process of hauling him out of his chair and to the elevator.

He's enjoying making this as difficult as he can for her.

"TAsshhhh. Tassshhhhhaaaaaa, come on! I'm jusssss jusstt- oh, oww, mm'not sure that my arms goes on my back like that… ohhh, okkkaay. M'coming, no need to get so ruff. Rufffffff. RRRfffffff. Ha."

* * *

Thor laughs as Clint's dragged away and smiles at his remaining companions. They look no worse for wear than Clint, and he decides that now is probably a good time to take away the mead he'd brought from home.

Met with shouts of protest as he stands up and snatches the enchanted, never-emptying bottle off the table, Thor laughs again.

"_You _have had enough my friends. I wish not to send you into a stupor, and I will share again. Just, no more tonight. Perhaps next time we may persuade the others to join us." His friends roll their eyes a bit, but Dean nods and Tony waves him off. So Thor grins and walks towards the stairs not even stumbling once, much to the annoyance of his friends.

"Guy's like a damn…. Dam. The way he holds his liquor," Dean slurs slightly, rolling his neck.

"Naahhh, he's just made of sterner stuff then us mere mortals. It's not his fault," Tony pinches the bridge of his nose and rubs at his eyes. "He and Loki probably drank that shit out of a sippy-cup."

"Really Stark? I know you think us primitive to you in some aspects, but giving alcohol to children?" Loki laughs sharply, and both Tony and Dean tense. "I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume it's the drink talking, and I'll also remind you that I much prefer wine to that sludge Thor finds so enjoyable."

Dean relaxes a bit. Regardless of what he'd done in the past (not that it didn't matter), Loki has been a perfect gentlemen ever since he'd started living in the Tower.

He read mostly, and took his meals in his room, which was on the guest floor near both Sam's and Dean's. Neither of the brother's minded being so close to him, and a small part of Dean recognized that should Loki go genocidal on the world again, they were expected to act as a sort of first line of defense. It kinda made him feel warm that the team trusted him and his brother that much.

Anyway, Stark was still tense, and his tenseness was making Loki, who apparently just wanted some OJ, tense too. And if Dean had learned anything at all in his time in the Tower, it was that tense Avengers/(Former)Super Villains were unhappy Avengers/(Former)Super Villains.

"So, Tony, I gotta tell you about the dragons, 'cause seriously man, this totally takes the cake and blows any and all of your baddies outta the water."

"Dean, how many times do I have to tell you? Being an Avenger is literally 670.825 times harder than being a Hunter. Seriously, I had JARVIS do the math. Didn't I JARVIS?"

"No, sir. That would be a lie you're telling Master Winchester at the moment."

"Well, I'm gonna have you do the math."

"Very good sir."

"Damn right I'm good."

"This sounds interesting. Please, enlighten me as to the origins of this particular argument," Loki leans back against the kitchen island and watches the men who are currently glaring at one another.

"Playboy over here thinks his job is harder than mine. Plain and simple."

"I'm sorry, _thinks? _Is, is the word you're looking for. Not only do we have to deal with nutcases like Reindeer Games over there, some of our super villains are lucky enough to have funding or Diplomatic Immunity, and can't be charged for crimes committed in the states like, oh, trying to kill the Fantastic Four and blowing up New York."

"How many of the people that you fight try to eat you? Like that's literally their only motivation. Do you know how scary it is when something is actually trying to EAT you? It's not a pleasant experience. Seriously."

"So, let me see if I've got this right," Loki goes to the counter where Dean and Tony are close to blows and carefully places his hands between the two of them. "You're both under the impression that you've got it worse off than the other side? Right? Well, this is a simple enough problem to solve. The next time Fury sends either of you a mission, let the other take it. Winchester, you and your brother will handle the Avenger's next crisis, and Stark, you and the others will take over the Winchester's next hunt. Is it a deal?"

"Deal." Dean and Tony say at the same time.

"Well, all deals, as you both know, must be sealed with either a handshake or a kiss," Loki straightens, crosses his arms, and grins. "I'll let you decide which is most appropriate."

So, under the watchful eye of the Trickster, Dean and Tony shake on it.

Their opportunity to fulfill the details of the contract come much sooner than anticipated.

* * *

"We have a teleprompter you know, you didn't have to make a house call," Tony quips bleakly the next morning when Coulson shows up.

"This is a special occasion. Call the Winchesters and the rest of the team, you're both suiting up today," Tony's eyes grow wide for a second and a grin splits his face in a way that worries Phil.

Five minutes later everyone is gathered communal living room. Including Loki which is odd, but not as unsettling as Coulson would have expected it to be.

"All of you are getting sent out today. Captain Rogers, you and the team need to take care of an AIM vibranium mine, just off the coast of California. The rock shelf holding the state up is unstable as is, we need to find a way to take down the operation carefully and quietly in order to prevent a catastrophic incident.

"Sam, Dean, we've sent ten agents out to deal with a vampire nest in New Orleans. Half have come back alive, and half have been _recovered. _We need to rectify the situation as quickly as possible with no more casualties. Understood?"

Everyone in the room nods, save Loki.

"With all due respect Agent Coulson, I believe a friendly wager has been arranged," he glances at Dean and Tony, who are grinning fiercely at one another.

"Loki-" Coulson is abruptly cut off.

"Sir, I would never suggest that this be undertaken if I was not absolutely, beyond a doubt certain that these situations could be handled by the opposite party. I'm very aware of the capabilities of everyone in this room, and Tony and Dean made a deal," cue the glares. "I'm just saying that this is an opportune moment to fulfill the contract."

"They made a deal huh?" Coulson eyes the group warily, before sighing. "I know nothing of this." He drops the files on the table and turns around. When the various shouts and shuffles have ended with the ding of elevator doors, Coulson turns back around.

Loki is grinning.

Mischievously.

What has he done?

"Shall I walk you to the door? I expect you'll be wanting to get on your way."

"Oh no, you didn't actually think I was leaving did you? See, since everyone else is out on mission, there's no one here to watch you."

"So…"

"So I'll be your babysitter for the time being. Now help me find the remote, there's a Super Nanny marathon on TLC."

* * *

"I don't understand why we couldn't just wear our clothes."

"Dean, these identify us as agents of SHIELD. They're bullet-proof, water-proof, and are laced with censors that can monitor our vitals. Why would we rather be wearing our clothes?"

"'Cause these fuckin' chafe."

Sam sighs.

"Uhh, Sammy?"

"Yes Dean?"

"Do you know how to fly a jet?"

"Nope."

"Then how the fuck are we supposed to get there?"

"I dunno, it looks like coordinates have been programmed into the GPS. Maybe there's an auto-pilot…"

"Sam, let's just take the Impala. This is all just reminding me why I hate flying and- don't push that! What the hell Sam!? You don't know what that does! Quit pushing buttOOOOOHHHHHHHSHIIIITTTTTT !"

* * *

"Is that literally an abandoned Opera House?" Tony quickly lowers himself to the ground next to Steve.

"Yes Tony, it appears to be an abandoned Opera House." Steve replies dryly.

"But, that's like textbook horror movie setting. I would've thought that real vampires would be more…. I dunno, more realistic."

"And where do you want them to set up shop Tony? The suburbs?" Steve's getting irritated at this point.

"Brothers! Do not fight on the cusp of battle! It brings only dissension among our ranks. We must be together against any foe. Not bickering like unruly fae," Thor puts a broad hand on Steve and Tony's shoulders.

"Umm, maybe we could just, hurry along, and get this over with?" Bruce is shuffling nervously, wondering why he'd even been brought along at all. The others could handle this without him.

"Hey!" Tasha snaps, and everyone but Clint turns to look at her. "I don't know what makes you guys think that we can talk on _regular _missions. But I would like to remind you that in this case, our targets have super hearing. So please, shut the hell up before you get us _eaten._"

"Awww, pretty little red head," a voice that none of them recognizes drawls. "It might be too late for that."

* * *

"By Odin, what vile children!"

"I know right? How do parents even let their kids get like that?"

"If Thor or I had ever spoken anything like that to Frigga, we'd have our mouths bespelled shut and would have been locked in the dungeons till morning."

"If I'd ever talked to my mom like that she would have smacked me on the mouth and washed my mouth out with soap."

Loki gapes at Coulson.

"With soap?"

"Lye soap."

"You have my respect Agent Coulson."

"Nice to know that orchestrating your defeat and essentially coming back from the dead is worth less to you than the fact that I was forced to wash my mouth out as a child."

"I'm glad I could enlighten you."

* * *

"So… are you guys bee keepers?" Dean asks once they've ripped the gag off of his mouth.

"We are AIM! Advanced Idea Mechanics! It is the goal of our society too-"

"Alright this is bullshit. You guys need to stop mining for vibrators or whatever the hell it is you're doing here."

"Seriously Dean? Maybe, I dunno, work with a bit more tact here."

"Tact? Sammy, these guys look like they should be Disney Channel villains or somet- AHHHHHH!" Dean voice is stopped when one of the bee keepers shoots him with some sort of laser. Electricity lances through him and Sam and for a second, neither of them can speak.

"Well? Are you through making light of AIM and it's works? We shall send your corpses back to Fury as a message of our-"

"CAS!"

"What?"

"Castiel!"

"Praying won't save you."

"No, praying won't. But he will." The bee keepers spin around and find themselves face to face with a grave man in a trench coat.

"Hello. I'm going to have to ask you to let the Winchesters go now."

"I don't know who you are, and I don't know how you got in here. But what on earth makes you think we're just going to hand them over?"

"Nothing. So I suppose I will have to free them myself." Then he's gone.

Then he's behind Sam and Dean.

Now they're all free.

And now they've got guns.

* * *

"You shoulda made more armor. You've left your friends all soft and squishy, just ripe for tasting."

"I wouldn't say they're completely helpless."

"Oh. I didn't say that. I can see that some of 'em at least, look like they might belong here. This one though," the vampire walks over the Bruce and runs a cold greasy hand through the doctor's hair. "Looks like he barely knows up from down. Much less like he can actually protect himself."

At this point Natasha offers up a dry laugh.

"Something funny Miss? Alright, since none of ya seem concerned about this one, we'll go ahead and start with him."

"Uhhh, Edgar?" one of the other vampires, a girl, calls out hesitantly.

"What Lucille?!"

"I just thought that I should mention the fact that his eyes are turning a real unnatural shade of green."

* * *

"So, have you seen this woman since your recovery?"

"No, she lives in Portland. Tony says he'll fly me out there sometime, but I dunno."

"Why not? From what you've told me about her and the way you speak about her, it seems like you really care for this woman."

"I know. And I really do, it's just that, I- she thinks I'm boring."

"What?"

"I called her the other day and she just kind of let it slip in so many words that she thinks I'm boring."

"She has no idea what you do for a living?"

"I wouldn't want to put her in that kind of danger."

Loki frowns, then grins, then stamps his foot.

"I have made up my mind to help with this Agent Coulson. It has been far too long since my mischief has been used for matchmaking."

"Glad to see you're turning over a new leaf."

"And of course if I can ensure the fact that you're enamored with this woman then she'll make an excellent distraction for you, or spectacular leverage for me when I regain my magic and am free to take control of Midgard."

"And it's gone."

* * *

"Where'd Cas go?!" Dean shouts, firing his new laser gun at a lighting fixture, not bothering to watch as it lands on seven or eight of the bee keepers.

"He said we could handle it!" Sam's at some sort of control panel, and his brother, still firing left and right, hurries to join him.

"Fuckin' angels. Where's the self-destruct button on this thing?!" Dean shoves Sam aside starts frantically pushing all the buttons he sees.

"What the hell are you doing?!"

"What so now you're the only one who can push random buttons?"

"You're going to kill us both!"

'_SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE ACTIVATED. COUNTDOWN IN 10, 9, 8'_

The brothers don't stop to look at each other, don't stop to coordinate. They just run.

* * *

"THERE IS A FUCKING VAMPIRE HANGING OFF OF MY ARM!"

"SHOOT IT TONY!"

"BUT IT'S ON MY ARM!"

"TONY!"

"HULK SMASH!

"BE READY TO FACE THE MIGHT OF MJOLNIR YOU UNDEAD HEATHENS!"

"TASHA AT YOUR SIX!"

"WHOSE FUCKING IDEA WAS THIS?!"

"Steve curses?"

"Is now really a good time to discuss my use of expletives Clint?"

"No time like the present."

"THAT'S IT! I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE BLOODSUCKERS! EVERYBODY OUT! I'M BLOWING THE WHOLE PLACE!"

"Tony! Wait!"

"NO! 10, 9, 8-"

And so they run.

* * *

They all look terrible.

Seriously, Coulson doesn't think he's ever seen any of them this raggedy before.

Loki hasn't stopped grinning since they walked in, and Dean and Tony are avoiding his gaze.

Coulson's just about to tell them to go get cleaned up, to get a few hours of shut-eye before debriefs, when Pepper walks in.

"What. The hell. Is on the news right now?"

"Excuse me?" Coulson turns around and almost immediately regrets it.

"There are pictures of the Avengers trashing an entire New Orleans city block and San Francisco was about to join Atlantis in the bottom of the ocean. You're going to tell me whose fault this was. And you're going to tell me right now."

Coulson has seen terrible things. He's nearly died several times. He's seen people broken by torture and pain. He considers himself a hardened man.

None of this stops him from pointing at Dean and Tony.

Who in turn point at Loki.

"I should have known that this had something to do with you." Pepper practically hisses taking a step forward.

"Now, Lady Potts, let's not go jumping to conclusions-"

"No. Save it. You instigated this with your words and now you're going to fix it with your words."

"I'm afraid I don't really follow…."

"Coulson, let me introduce you to SHEILDS newest Public Relations expert."


End file.
